FIVE!

Headed into my workout this morning, I caught the time.... 5:55 am. I noticed it, not realizing the significance at the moment.

I love synchronicities and the little reminders that show up and keep me present.

Some big, raw memories on my personal timelines are starting to surface, and I am reminded that today is a big anniversary. 5 years!!! 5 years of consistency.  Monday through Friday, for at least an hour, five times a week, I have shown up for me, myself and I; even during the SIP, I did kitchen zoom workouts.

One of my most favorite coaches, Tev, once told me, during a moment of self-pity, "bad-ass's never go back" he wrote my name in chalk on a (heavy) slam ball and made sure it was readable when it the ground.   He was pivotal in turning the voice that boomed loudly inside my head from I can't into I can. He holds an important place in my heart, forever and always. I draw on that memory when things are hard in my life, and I want to quit.

I still struggle to see myself as "a bad-ass." I was never very athletic and am still awkward and clumsy.

My other favorite coach, who has also been there from the beginning, is my coach; Miles. He is still coaching me and refuses to let me sell myself short. Whether I feel like it or not, he is right there, giving me the space and support to test my limits and build my physical and mental strength. His coaching continues to help me improve physically, which carries over into every area of my life.

When I talk about what happens in the gym carried out in all aspects of my life, my marriage is one of the areas most impacted. My husband and I have grown so much through this journey. We've learned how to be stronger together, spot each other and love each other at a level that only comes from a commitment to get through the hardest stuff.

Today as I reflect on the lessons from the past five years, I know what does and does NOT define me. I am not defined by:

·       Your opinion of me

·       My jean size

·       The number on the scale

·       The dumbbell/barbell/kettlebell weight

·       The speed I finish a mile in

Some of what does define me:

·       My opinion of myself

·       My perseverance

·       The habits and disciplines I have cultivated and continue to refine

·       I am willing to do hard work

·       I finish things

As well as my capacity to love, forgive, and grow.

It's with an abundance of gratitude for all of the people who have had a part in this journey and self-acknowledgment that I did and do the work.

Happy 5th anniversary! May there be many more.